If They Lose, Will They Win?
by Someone the First
Summary: What would happen if one of the Animorphs snapped in front of a Controller?
1. Default Chapter Title

**If They Lose, Will They Win?**

__

Okay. Okay. Um... All that disclaimer stuff (man, can't believe I spelled that wrong the first time...um...never mind...). Uh...about all the quotes. I got them from this site by this person named Leanna. Now, Leanna, out there, if you're reading this, I am sorry to say I...uh...lost the link to your site. I'm sorry. All the credit for most of the quotes go to Leanna, if that's how you spell your name, okee? Good. One more thing: if you like this, I'll continue it to the next part. If you don't, I won't and I'll delete it. I am serious. This is just an experiment for me, to see if anyone other than my friends like this. I think I'll shut up now. I'm babbling, aren't I? Yes, I am. And, really, one _ more thing: beware of typos. I have a few in here. Didn't really check over it... Uh...here's the story...:_

** Part I **

Life is a Road… 

God, bless my people. 

They look to you still. 

God, bless the outcast. 

Or nobody will… 

From Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame (sp…)

Prologue: 

Some people say life is like a box of chocolate. You never now what you're gonna get. Or, at least, Forrest Gump says that. 

Others say, like my mother once, life is a road, rocky at times, smooth and peaceful other times. 

Both could be right, but I like the latter better. Life is too corrupt to be like chocolate. 

My name is Tobias. I started my life out being given that name. I ended my life being given another. 

I was once loved, then hated and despised, then loved again, while being hated at the exact same time. 

That's why life's a twisted, debased road. It moves under your feet, confusing you, making you wonder what on earth is happening. 

I had ups and downs. Mostly downs, but I did have my ups, and that's what helped me live as long as I did. Downs are what kill you, eating your hope away like their acid. Ups are like…chocolate, keeping you alive, building up the hope the acid kills. 

It's a confusing cycle, but it's true. I ought to know. 

I'm still a hated person, still despised. I'm still a loved person, loved by people who say they hate me, that all the love they'd ever had for me is gone, but there's always that little clump inside them that will never, ever melt. 

And that's why humans are weird. 

That's also why I cherish having human in me. 

It's a major factor in living, and, without it, living might as well be dying. 

Am I confusing you? 

I hope so. That way you can feel the confusion that overwhelmed every last bit of confidence I'd ever had… 

_Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. --Theodore Roosevelt _

"Oh, you poor thing. You look just like your mother," my aunt'd always say, like my mother was that ugly. 

Wait. That makes me sound like I think I'm not ugly. But my mother wasn't. So how can I look like her? 

Whatever. 

Anyway, I belived her. I was only ten and for some odd reason, believed every word that came from her mouth. Weird as it is, I appreciated how she took me in. At least I wasn't put in a foster home. 

I had a bad childhood, I guess. My uncle was drunk and abused me. My aunt hated my guts and ignored me. She made me buy the cheapest clothes and only gave me enough food so she wouldn't be prosecuted for murder if I died of starvation. 

I guess it would have been better it I had an aunt and uncle that were married. I don't know. But the ones I had were divorced and would do anything to murder each other. 

And I was the weapon they passed between them, something to toture the other with. So there was no love. It was just miserable hatred, a thing each wanted to throw back to the other as soon as they could. I was a boring, uninvited game where as soon as one got me, I was thrown quickly back. Like hot potato. 

My aunt got so sick of paying for me and my, "Rude complaining for some new pants because mine were turning into 'high-waters'," she passed me back to my uncle when I was thirteen. April. Near the middle of the school year. 

Great. I was going to be in big trouble. I'd gone to some of the worst schools in the US and now I couldn't even take my EOGs there. What a life. 

My uncle's house looked, smelled, and felt the same: absolutely awful. I hated it. At least my aunt made some money. She was a secretary and could afford to live in a nice, little apartment. My uncle, on the other hand, lived in a tiny, little cottage next to a harmful-waste dump. It had bad plumbing and smelled like crap. The distinct smell of beer mingled with it. 

I stepped out of the taxi with my backpack and two small boxes of things onto a muddy, dirt road. I slammed the door and the cabbie/y (which?) drove off, like the place was haunted. Or at least dangerous. I knew that for a fact. My uncle had been told he should move away from the place. It was dangerous. But it only costed a thousand dollars ad was already paid for, so he thought, Risk cancer and asbestosis and radiation poisoning and about every other known disease! I can afford this place! 

I walked up to the rotted door and pushed it open (we didn't have a lock!) and stepped in to the shocking smell of compost and cigarette smoke and Buddwiser (sp? One 'd'?) beer all mixed together. I was taken aback at the stench. I was used to the Lysol smell and potpourri. 

The floor creaked under my feet and had a weird stickiness to it. I was standing in the kitchen, where the floor was an extremely dirty linoleum. The counters looked like they needed to be replace and so did the tiny table. But then there was a huge refridgerator and all the brand-name foods every inch of the counters. I saw roaches pigging-out on some of them. 

I looked into the living room, which was seperated from the kitchen only by a line that changed the floor from nasty linoleum to nasty carpet. I stepped onto the carpet, hating the feeling of the linoleum under my bobo shoes. My uncle had a new-looking sofa facing a huge TV. A beat-up looking coffee table sat in front of the sofa, beer cans and cigarette ashes strewed all over it. I walked across the small room and studied the expensive-looking sterio, CDs and records surrounding it. I looked at some on the left side, all records: The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Aerosmith, Madonna. Then I looked at the CDs on the right side: Leann Rimes, Randy Travis (sp?). There were also some non-country ones, like Everclear, The Barenaked Ladies, so on. 

I shrugged and closed the glass case door. My uncle must have been at work. He was a plumber and I'd always wondered why he never fixed his toilet. 

I walked over to the wooden staircase and slowly walked up, like the steps would crush under my weight. My uncle had a room downstairs and there were two extra upstairs, along with a bathroom and tiny hallway. I went to the one I'd stayed in when I was nine, the last time I'd been there. It smelled like beer and the sheets looked very dirty. I guess other people had been staying in "my" room. I let my backpack drop to the floor and set the box down. I looked around. It was a mess and smelled like other people. I hated that and went right to work at cleaning it up. 

I'd stolen some Lysol from my aunt because I'd expected the place to smell like beer and crud. I opened the windows and aired out the place, although all the air did was make it stink even more. I took off the old sheets and put on my own. I had my own, which was odd. 

That's what I did that whole afternoon: make "my" room truly be my room. 

When I finished, I just sat down and pet my cat Dude. Yes, my cat. 

My uncle got home at six. I heard him cursing. 

I went to the stairs and listened. He had some lady over. 

"Really, I haven't had time to clean my place up, Donna. Man. I think I'm gonna sue the city, while we're at it, for putting that dump next to my _____ house." 

"Donna" said, "You got a beer?" 

Perfect for him, I thought bitterly. I decided I'd show myself, get it over with. 

I went down the stairs and said, "Hey," in a soft voice. 

My uncle stopped his beer can in midair. "What are you doing here?" 

I felt my face heat up. "Aunt Judy (don't like that name) sent me, remember?" 

Donna stared at me. "Who's he?" 

"My ____ nephew. Now I gotta enroll him in school and everything! ________!" 

That's the welcome I got. 

My uncle signed me up and sent me to school three days later. I had to walk a mile to the nearest bus stop. 

As I waited, I came a conclusion, I hate my life. Why can I die now and get it over with? Why are you making me suffer, God? Why me? It's my name, isn't it? You think I' some kind of prophet, don't you? By this point, I came to this conclusion, I hate my mother and father. Why did they name me Tobias? Why? Why me? 

I got to school, still thinking the same thing, and it kept changing every few seconds. I hate you, God. Why are you doing this to me? I hate you. Why me? Why me? I hate you, Tobias. Why are you toturing me? Now God's gonna toture me for you saying you hated him and I'm never gonna have any friends! 

That speaks the truth. I got bullied and swirlied that day. Or, at least, before homebase. Then I was just stared at. So maybe my clothes were a little bit "out-of-it" but hey? 

To be honest, I noticed girls were staring at me. Was this a good thing or bad? I didn't know. 

After that day, there was a weekend, where I was totured to smell hazardous chemicals and have my uncle curse and hit me. 

Monday came and I was actually relieved. I didn't have to worry about dropping dead from the smell. I got picked on and swirlied again. Some guy named Jake saved me this time. Maybe he'd be my friend. I guess. 

Tuesday went by boringly. Wednesday nothing. Thursday, nothing. Friday…something fairly big…Friday was the day that changed my life forever. The day I met my father for the first time. The day I finally had friends… 

_Home is not where you live, but where they understand you. --Christian Morgenstern_

I'm an Animorph, as you may know. A person/hawk who has the power to morph. Morphing was seemingly a great weapon, at first, when we first did it. But I later thought it was a great curse. 

No, not because of getting trapped as a hawk, or having to face the decision to become human again. It was how it dragged us into this war. It seized control of us. 

I know it sounds as if I'm complaining, but my true goal is to tell the honest, absolute truth. Morphing brought more pain upon me than I'd ever had, which has to be a lot: I've got the scars to prove I'd had pain before. 

But morphing brought on scars that were not outside, visable, or cureable (sp?). Morphing gave me scars inside, giving my other scars company. 

The main cause of my scars was the fact that I couldn't cry as a hawk, I couldn't walk, I couldn't feel. 

But on with the show. 

I made friends that night, with the guy Jake, who saved me, Marco, Jake's best friend, Rachel, and Cassie. 

Of course, I didn't think they were real friends until I got trapped as a hawk and they didn't abandon me. 

If you are a Yeerk, you have followed every adventure we've had yet, I suppose. Why write them again, only from my point-of-view? I see no point. 

So I will start here: 

_Our visions of what is better are always informed by our perception of what is bad about our present situation. --Lugones & Spelman_

I'd had, so far, what you may define as a horrible life. There were many times I considered suicide as an option. But then I'd always go,_ Nah. Hell'll be worst. Live through this life the best you can. Then maybe, just maybe, heaven will welcome you. After all, I believe in God. Isn't that enough? Is it, God, buddy ol' pal? _

The Ellimist decided he'd give me a reward, I guess. He gave me the ability to become a human and have some things most people couldn't: keep all my morphs and still have my morphing power. Did he love me or hate me? 

I hadn't a clue. 

I was told this in private, which I appreciated greatly. No Rachel around. Thanks so much, Ellimist. 

I now wish I had just become human. It would've saved me. And the others. 

I'm a human being. I'm an Andalite. I'm also a hawk. 

And that is what killed me. The real me. 

_A fool is someone whose pencil wears out before its eraser does. --Marilyn vos Savant_

Suppose, just suppose, that maybe, let's say, I saw my mother. Now, let's say, the human in me kind of lost it. Let's also say my mother was, possibly, a high-ranking Yeerk. A Visser, perhaps? 

Now, let's say, I stop with the 'let's say's. And face reality. That is what happened. 

I was flying over town, right? Just minding my hawk business. Looking inconspicuous. 

But then, weird as it is, I felt a kind of pulling at me. Like I was being drawn somewhere by fate, as weird as that is. 

I thought, What else is there to do? So I just went with it. 

And I saw her. A perfect match to the worn sketch in my brain of my mother. 

I guess I went a little "nuts" then. No matter how unbelievable as it is, I, Tobias, actually thought spoke (sp?) to a lady who coincidentally looked like my mom. I guess there are just times in life where you forget all cautions and do something deadly just to reach something you thought you needed. 

Like forgetting there was a car coming down the street when you see your long-lost puppy and end up getting run over. That's the way it happened to me. I got run over. 

No, not literally. Figuratively. 

It went a little like this: 

< Mommy! > Yes, I said "mommy". I told you, I was hysterical. 

The lady's head snapped around, her blond hair flipping into her face. "Andalite!" she hissed. 

One part of my mind went,_ Uh-oh._

But my giddy with uncontrollable joy part won, and went, < Mom! Up here! It's me! Tobias! > 

I saw my "mother's" blue eyes wander up to the sky, her hair blowing all in her face from the wind. 

< Up here! I'm the bird! > 

_Tobias, you ________, stop it!_

I flew down and perched on her shoulder. One part of my brain was actually groveling,_ God, no! NO! NO-O-O-O-O!!!!!! NOT NOW! I DON'T WANNA DIE! Wait. Yes I do. Go, Tobias!_

Yet another part tried another method,_ Tobias…you'll kill Rachel if you do this, it crowed. You really wanna kill RA-chel?_

But the stupid longing part of me was in control. < Hi, MOMMY!!!! Long time, no see! It's me, your son. The talking bird on your shoulder. Boy, have I been through a lot since you let. Aunt Judy and Uncle Ray are so mean. Or were. But I did make friends. That's why I'm a bird. I can morph. Prince Elfangor gave me the power. My dad. Yep, yep. Remember him? You guys had a baby together. Yep! Me! > 

I saw the Yeerk's eyes grow wide with satisfaction. She obviously figured I was a babbling idiot, but I was useful. 

"Oh, Tobias!" she said in fake joy. "I've missed you. Come along with me. We'll go someplace fun." 

I don't know how I didn't shut up. I guess I retaining a small strand of hope my "mommy" was here for me and she wasn't a Yeerk. 

"So," the Yeerk said. "Tell me, Tobias. Are you a_ nothlit_?" 

I didn't even ask how she knew the term _nothlit_. I just rambled on, < Yes, but see, I think the Ellimist likes me or something. He gave me the power to morph, but I was still a hawk. I was a hawk with the power to morph, you know? But then! The Ellimist must have pitied me! He gave me the ability to morph my old human self-which he allowed me to acquire by messing with time a bit-and still have the morphing power and all the same morphs. And I'll still look the right age! Great, huh? But I had no one to live with! Lucky Rachel doesn't know this. > 

"Rachel? Who's 'Rachel'?" the Yeerk asked as it led me somewhere. 

< An Animorph, of course. > 

"Ah." I noticed she led me down a long staircase, but did not take that in as a problem. I should've. 

She led me down to a Yeerk pool. And I didn't even really notice. Not even when she forced me to morph human. Not even when she slapped some kind of tag on my arm that she said would annihilate my morphing powers as long as I had it on. 

It was only when I was led down a long plank and my head was pushed into the sludgy liquid and I felt a Yeerk delicately touch my ear that I suddenly woke from my vertiginous dreams. 

"No!" I screamed, my mouth filling with the fluid from the pool. What I said came out gurgling, but still I screamed, trying to squirm from the Hork-Bajir that held me. "No! God, no! NO! No, no, no, no, no! No, no, NO!" I struggled, but it was too late. I felt the horrid, horrid sensation of a Yeerk entering my ear. It numbed it. My head was pulled from the pool and I gasped. 

The Yeerk slid the rest of the way into my head, happily wrapping itself around my highly valuable brain. It tapped into the memories of things I'd been sworn to secrecy about. Things that could never be let out. Things that were being let out. 

I had doomed my whole existence, the whole human race. 

Every person I'd ever loved. 

_All that is worth cherishing in this world begins in the heart, not the head. --Suzanne Chazin_

the Yeerk told me. < Hmm… > He opened my most secretive part and I almost died not of guilt or betrayal, of embarrassment. < Rachel? Who is she? You're afraid to tell her what? > 

He flipped through the parts of my brain. < Ah! Here we are: Rachel is your girlfriend, eh? > 

I was embarrassed. _Not really._ The thought slipped through my brain. 

The Yeerk watched with interest. < Oh,> he crowed. < You _ want _ her to be your girlfriend. > 

What was this? Wasn't he supposed to be destroying my life, rather than embarrassing me? 

He had already walked me from the Yeerk pool over to the underground eating area, so he could open my brain easily. According to other Yeerks, I was a grand host. He was lucky he got me. 

Yes, I'd read what he'd been thinking. 

He read my brain, happily making little remarks, like, < Ooooh, we've got to make him one of us! > 

But then he found the part of my brain that I'd tried to protect. He opened it. Now I really heard him. < You can morph? Oh, a human who can-No wait. You're a nothlit… Oh, human, you are interesting… > 

He was so happy at his discovery. I felt sick, but was too weak to fight him. I'd betrayed my friends… How could I…? 

I felt like crying. 

< …Five humans and an Andalite- Oh, not just any five humans! You're not completely human, are you know, Tobias? You're Elfangor's son! Visser Three suspected and he didn't find it out! Ha, ha, ha! You are quite shrewd, now, aren't you? > 

He read through my whole mind like it was a book. Then he stood up and walked out of the whole cavern and started walking down the street. He'd washed my head off so I didn't have all that gunk on my face. 

The Yeerk introduced himself. < I'm Oftissed 1547. Call me 'Off'. Now, let's go off and find Rachel. I'm sure she'll like to hear you're completely human now! > He laughed evilly and I suddenly realized he was gonna play some games before he turned us all in. He'd talked to my mother's Yeerk before and they'd decided not to tell anyone just yet that they'd caught the "Andalite bandits". 

_What are you going to do with Rachel?_ I demanded, worry eating at my heart. 

He just laughed and stopped my body at a stoplight. _No. Not, 'ha, ha, ha'. What are you going to do to Rachel? _

< Nothing she doesn't want to do. > 

That was all he said. And I felt like crying for real now. 

_Since our awareness of others is considered our duty, the price we pay when things go wrong is guilt and self-hatred. And things always go wrong. We respond with apologies; we continue to apologize long after the event is forgotten-and even if it had no casual relation to anything we did to begin with. -Nancy Chodorow _

Off rang Rachel's doorbell and I would've thrown up if I could have. 

The door opened and one of Rachel's little sisters answered. Jordan, I think? 

"Is Rachel home?" Off asked. 

Jordan eyed me for a second, then, "RACHEL! THERE'S A GUY AT THE DOOR TO MEET YOU!" 

I would've died if I had been in control of my own body. 

I heard someone come running down the stairs and the Yeerk made my eyes look behind Jordan. Rachel came up to the door. 

"Tobias?" she said, looking surprised. 

"Hi," I said back. 

Rachel gave Jordan a "get out or else" look. Jordan grinned mischievously and back-walked away from the door. 

Rachel grabbed my arm and jerked me into the house, shutting the door after me. 

"What are you doing here?" Then she must have noticed I was human. "Why are you…? How long have you…? What's wrong…? I mean…" 

"I'm human, Rachel," Off told her. "I've been in morph for two hours already. And I can still morph." 

"How…" She glanced behind her. "Come up to my room. We can't have Jordan over-hearing us." In her room with the door locked, she asked, "What do you mean?" 

Off sat me down on Rachel's bed. "The Ellimist felt sorry for me, I think. He gave me the option to morph human for over two hours and still have the morphing power with the exact same morphs. I found my mom today, and that's when I decided to become human. Plus, I'd figure you'd want me to…" The Yeerk let it hang, like I might have. 

Rachel threw her arms around me. "Of course I'd want you to!" She pressed her lips against mine. The real me was shocked. But it was a far away sensation, so I wasn't enjoying it. The Yeerk responded. I wanted to murder him then. It was my first kiss and I wasn't even in control over my own body! 

Rachel tried to pull away but Off wouldn't let her. She'd been in an odd position, me sitting, her standing, and ended up falling on top of "me", both of us falling onto her bed. 

"Whoa!" she cried. 

"Oh, sorry," the Yeerk mumbled, trying to help her up. Just like I would've done. 

She laughed, and tried to untangle herself from me, being unsuccessful. "Well," she said after a few seconds of struggling. "It seems we are having some difficulties." She tried again and finally managed to roll off of me. She sat up and straightened her clothes. 

'I' sat up too. "I'm so sorry, Rachel." 

She looked at me peculiarly. I felt the Yeerk's worry. Then Rachel laughed. "It's okay, Tobias." She shook her head, still laughing. "It was actually funny." 

Off was satisfied. < Hmm, she trusts you, > he said. < Perfect… > _What do you mean? _I cried._ You're not gonna try what I think you're gonna try, are you?_

He studied what I thought he was gonna do and laughed. 

Rachel was staring at me. "You okay?" she asked. 

Off wrinkled my nose. "Yeah, but I sure do have a weird life." 

She laughed warmly. 

"You wanna meet my mother?" I asked suddenly. 

She raised an eyebrow, as if considering. Then she said, "Sure. If you want to. Let's just do something. You're human! Let's celebrate!" 

'I' smiled. "Cool…" 

_Of all the creatures on this planet none is more dangerous than a human being. --Robert A. Heinlein_

Off brought Rachel to the place where my mother lived, holding her hand the whole time. I wanted to scream to Rachel, Don't fall for it! Please, Rachel! Don't! It'll only hurt you! 

Off saw this and answered every time, < Hurt her? No, no. She's a valuable host. Never would I hurt her. > 

I'd sink back in my mind and try to plan a way to tell Rachel. But I felt like I was a thousand feet under the sea, seeing everything that was going on above me, but was weighed down at the bottom, being able to not reach the top or call to someone. 

Not a good comparison, is it? Sorry. I've been through a lot. I compare everything to sinking, because I'm always sinking. Plus, if I hate something, I compare it to water, 'cause I hate water. 

It never hurts a person more when a loved-one is being led to their death while they stand idly watching. It tears you up, like heartburn does. Just an example. 

At my "mother's" house, she made it so Rachel "accidentally" got hurt. She had to go to the doctors'. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she cried in fake apology. "Here. I'll call a doctor. He lives next door." 

She ran into the kitchen to call. Off helped Rachel lay down on the coach. She'd slipped on some water on the floor and hurt her ankle. 

"I'm so sorry," Off said in a worried voice. "I mean-" 

Rachel laughed. "It's okay. I'm actually fine. Your mother doesn't have to call anybody." 

"Mom" came into the room with a man trailing behind her. He had a bag with him and smiled at Rachel in a friendly way. 

Off let me read his mind for a second. This man was a Controller, too. 

"I see we had a little fall, eh?" he asked Rachel, examining her ankle. 

"I guess you could say that," Rachel said. "I'm really fine," she insisted as and after thought. 

The man smiled. "Well, I'm in a field of things like this, and it seems you've torn some ligaments. We have a new way to fix this in a snap." He dug in his bag and pulled out a shot, filled with a blue liquid. I noticed Rachel gulped. Off had been staring at her. 

"That's gonna help my ankle?" she demanded. 

The man grinned. "Of course. I'll just put it in your ankle and you'll be fine in a jiffy. I mean, with your permission." 

Rachel shrugged. 

The doctor carefully lifted Rachel's ankle and injected the needle. 

"Ow-ahh-" Rachel grimaced. 

The Yeerk pulled it out and Rachel's ankle started to bleed. He face was all scrunched up. 

My "mom" ran into the kitchen and came back with a Band-Aid. She gave it to the sick-looking Rachel, who gingerly placed it where her ankle was bleeding. 

"There we go," said the doctor. "It'll work in just about five minutes, then you'll be back on your feet." 

I knew what he'd really injected in Rachel. 

And I would've thrown up if I could've. 

_The world is not imperfect or slowly evolving along a path to perfection. No, it is perfect at every moment, every sin already carries grace in it. --Herman Hesse_

You see, what was injected in Rachel would eliminate her power to morph for a short amount of time. 

Short, you say. Well, "short" is enough time for Off to reveal himself to Rachel. 

It was in my meadow. 

Off said in my voice, "You know, Rachel, the Yeerks aren't all that bad. Some are nice." 

_Please, Yeerk, _ I thought. 

< That's "Off" ,> he answered. 

_Yeah. "Off" all right. Why don't you bug off? Be gone! I don't want you here! _

He chose to ignore my remark. 

Rachel was staring at him. "Excuse me?" 

"I mean," Off said, "Cassie had the right idea. Allying with the Yeerks." 

"She was not allying with the Yeerks! She was making a small bet on peace!" 

"Yeah, right. We all know differently." Off grabbed her hand. She pulled away. 

"What is wrong with you?" she hissed, as 'I' grabbed her again, this time in a better grip. She tried to pull away. Then it dawned on her. "Yeerk!" 

"It took you long enough," Off sneered, grabbing both Rachel's arms. 

She writhed and squirmed, but Off had her. "Let me go! Tobias, get control!" 

"Oh, I don't think he's strong enough," Off smirked. "He's just sitting back there, wallowing in self-pity, feeling horrible how he betrayed his dear Rachel." 

I don't think Rachel liked this. She kicked me hard in the shin. Off's grip loosened enough for Rachel to jab me in the ribs. "Argh!" Off cried. But he still had her. 

Rachel grabbed my arm and flipped me over, slamming me on the ground. "Whoa!" the Yeerk cried. 

Rachel backed away. "I guess those self-defense classes my mom made me take paid off. Sorry, Tobias, but everyone always said they'd rather die than be a Yeerk." 

Off was down on the ground, groaning, and I watched through his eyes as Rachel tried to morph. Her teeth grew sharp and then the whole process stopped. 

"Whag--?" Rachel cried, her voice slurring. She looked like a vampire, standing there, all human except those very large fangs. Suddenly, she collapsed, screaming in pain. 

Off snapped my head around to watch, fully alert. 

Rachel grabbed her ankle and caressed it a second and tried to stand up, but immediately fell down. 

Off made me stand, even though I felt the distant pain. 

Rachel's face was filled with anger. "You ______," she snarled, as she crawled back. 

"Oh, I really don't think you're at a height to call me that, lovely Rachel. You see to be down and-oh my-I seem to be up. Oh, what could this mean? Hmm…" 

"No matter how much more strength or power or what ever else you think you've got, I'll never become one of you! NEVER!" And she crawled to her feet, fighting the pain, and started to run off. 

Off tried to go after her but soon realize how hard it'd be with all the bruises Rachel had given him. So he just stood there and waved after Rachel: "Bye, bye, lovely! Have a nice time being free!" His voice was cheerful. And then he said in an evil voice, "For it won't last. No, no, no. It won't last. We'll hunt you till every little on of you is gone. Oh, yes. Till every one of you vermin are gone." 

Rachel had already been out of sight. But it didn't matter. She didn't need to hear what Off had said. Maybe she'd still have hope without hearing his last words. 

Maybe... 

Uh...ignore the two "to be continues." I accidentally put them up and can't seem to get them off...oops... 

COMING SOON: Part II: Angel, a slightly...uh...weird story...and I mean, ** weird **** weird. Or, I think it is...never mind... **

**To be continued...of course, that is, if you _ want _ it to be. If you don't...uh...**

To be continued...that is, if you want it to be... I dunno. Maybe this sucks... Oh well. I just wanted to see... 


	2. Default Chapter Title

** If They Lose, Will They Win? **

_ Since no one seemed to hate my story, I put up part two. Yet again, all that disclaimer stuff. And, I'll warn you now, this one's...very different from the first one. It's pretty much Rachel, and I decided to add lots of Ellimist. And I just finished it. Also, beware of typos. It's enough work to HTMLize it. I don't want to have to edit it completely too. It's _ summer _ isn't it? Uh...never mind..._

And I wanna say this, since I was reading my reviews and I saw something I want to comment on (and I don't feel like commenting in the reviews section...) : I agree with you, L'Angel. I write stuff I don't believe. Honest. I wasn't talking. The Ellimist was. I don't think technology can beat nature. Because it can't. That just adds to suspense, in my opinion. So don't think I'm some kind of person who believes in science as their religion. I wouldn't like that. I'm babbling again. I just had to say that. Okee-day. I'm going to shut up.

Here you go: 

**

Part II 

**

**

Angel...

**

_Look for the rainbow in every storm. _

Fly like an angel heaven sent to me. -The Spice Girls 

Prologue: 

**

Criminals on the Loose

**

**It is a shame, these days, the fact that we are never safe. Especially now. A dangerous criminal is running free, and the police are urging anyone who sees her to tell them immediately… **

Off skimmed the article quickly and them laughed a joyous laugh that escaped my lips. He threw down the paper and looked across the table at the by then captured Cassie. "We make her sound as if she is a danger to humans. And the imbeciles will believe it!" 

Geap 1245, the Yeerk who controlled Cassie, nodded. "I know. Humans. I cannot see why the Andalites waste their time on them. It's not like they're actually sentient." 

I would've said a couple choice words if I'd had the actual choice. But I didn't. 

"Of all of them, to think it was_ Rachel _who managed to evade our forces! She can't even morph. It's a wonder." 

Geap agreed to that, too. She agreed to all that escaped my—not Off's—mouth. Off was already Visser Three. ((((Author's note: Visser Three is now Visser One, so Tobias's Yeerk, Off, is now Visser Three...if that makes sense...)))) Geap was only of lower rank in the Yeerk hierarchy. 

Off made my face turn cold. "But, Geap 1245, that won't be for very long now, will it?" 

Geap shook Cassie's head and said in Cassie's most humble voice, "No, Sub-Visser. It won't be very long. We will catch this…Rachel." Then she went wacko and screamed, "NO! You won't catch Rachel, you son of a—" Geap over-powered Cassie in a matter of seconds and said, "Oh, Visser Three, I most humbly apologize!" 

"You cannot even control your host! Letting her call me that wretched human curse word! I trust you, though, to accomplish this mission, or for that you will be punished…" He let it hang. 

I watched the scene, no longer even able to murmur quietly protest… 

_The river is everywhere at the same time...everywhere and the present only exists for it, not the shadow of the past, nor the shadow of the future. --Herman Hesse_

My stomach was churning. I hadn't eaten for days, really, maybe a cracker here and there. But hunger was the least of my problems. The churning in my stomach was not only a yearning for it to be filled, but also a feeling of loneliness. I was alone, all alone. 

I had found a place to stay, though, at least. A little cave that had been formed somehow from the ocean waters. It was cold and damp, but at least it sheltered me from rain and wind and Yeerks. 

My name is Rachel. I was the only one free at the time, and I was soon to be even freer, for death was creeping up on me. 

I had somehow managed to avoid the Yeerks hunting me. Call it fate, but I was the only one _truly _living at the time. 

At least I had shoes and clothes and shelter. That was enough then. 

I breathed in the salty, damp smell of the cave and leaned against the cool wall. The waves crashed into the rocks I was hiding in, but the water didn't reach my hiding spot. 

I felt a weird sense beside of me and slowly my eyes moved over to it. A little girl sat there and grinned her missing front teeth at me. Her curly pigtails bounced lightly. "Hi!" she said. 

I started to slowly back away from her. 

"My, Rachel, you've turned into a chicken. Why would I be here to hurt you, now?" 

I didn't say a thing. 

"You don't know who I am?" 

I shook my head. 

"It is I, the being you call—" 

"The Ellimist?" 

"Oh, yes." The little girl's eyes glittered. "But you may call me Haley." 

I stared at him. "Why are you here?" 

"Why would I not be? See, Rachel, I have an order from a greater power for you not to die just yet." 

"'Just yet'," I sneered. "Oh, gee, I'm so grateful." 

"You should be. Because I am here to offer you something." 

"And what is that?" 

"To give you a more sufficient place to stay. To give you food. To keep you alive. To help you free your friends." 

"I don't have any friends. Not now. I'm alone and I'm fine." 

"You cannot fool me, Rachel. Humans were not made to be alone. They always need someone, if it were another human, or a cat or a dog. Loneliness is a death for humans." 

"How would you know?" I snarled. "You aren't a human!" 

"I know. I am an Ellimist." 

"Exactly!" I snapped. "Ellimist. Like you said, you're technically advanced! It's not like you can read minds or feel what others feel. That isn't technology! It's nature!" 

"Oh, but that's where you are wrong, Rachel. Technology can reach great heights, greater heights than even nature's most highest." 

I feel a gnawing at my heart and was afraid I was going to let all my agony out. I'd been through a lot and I was lonely and scared, though I was afraid to show it. I was never one to express their feelings. That's what slowed you down. The same thing with tears. They have no meaning. It's not like crying will solve your problems. I always thought just hiding your feelings inside was fine, that they'd leave soon enough. 

The Ellimist, in the body of the girl Haley, said, softly, "Tears have more meaning in life than you think." 

I snapped my head around to look at him/her. Had he/her read my thoughts? 

"They are there to cleanse and protect your eyes, yes, but they are also there to let pain out. Pain does not just go away. It will come back one day. All things do. I have studied timelines for eons and found it very surprising how an awful thing always comes back to a person and slaps them in the face, as you humans may say. That is the same—" 

"You study timelines?" I interrupted. 

Haley smiled again. "Yes and no. Timelines change often from how they were in their origin. I study them to help get a better understanding on life. I have found out a lot, but not all. I still do not know who controls life, but you humans seem to have up with ideas. We Ellimists never took in religion. We always figured it was technology that controlled all life…or an omnipotent being. You humans believe in omnipotent beings you call 'gods', although you probably know that. We always believed our omnipotent being was just another alien. Humans seem to have a different perspective, though it may be quite right. 

"So my answer is yes, I study timelines. But the answer to your unspoken question, if I control the timelines, is no. I may see them, but I do not think I shall ever seek control of them." 

A drop of water trickled down the rock and I watched it, trying to imagine it my timeline, unsure of where it was going, but still going just the same. Call it perseverance, I guess. 

My heart ached. Or maybe I had pneumonia and my lugs were heaving in and out in pain and I didn't know. 

I was filled with so many emotions at that time that I thought I would cry, laugh, scream, and curse all at the same time. I hate it when I feel that was. It's complete and total confusion and I don't believe in confusion. No, confusion was just another form of tears. 

I felt a tiny hand take my own and glanced over at the Ellimist. He/she grinned Haley's not-toothy grin at me and squeezed my hand. "Sometimes even the obstacles help you on your way." Her chubby face turned solemn and she said, "I once heard a human say like is like a road and I have to say that was quite a wise remark." 

For some reason I said, "I once read a book with the proverb, 'In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?' in it." 

The Ellimist smiled. "That was wise, also. Because in the courses of lifetimes I have observed, some things matter a great deal, while other things most make the biggest deals out of, don't even make the slightest indention in your life." 

"What are you getting at in all this talk, Ellimist?" I demanded. 

"I am getting at the fact that you have a turn to take in your road. You're at a fork, Rachel, not knowing which road to take. Right or left? You are struggling at what your point in life right now is. What is needed of you? You don't know. And you are considering just letting yourself die." 

"How do you know all of that?" I wondered. 

The Ellimist went of, making slight hand gestures. "But if you let yourself die, you are also letting all existence of true humans die. I cannot have that happen. Humans are needed in the future." 

"Yeah, we're needed," I growled. 

"Humans have something I have seen hardly any intelligent species have." 

"And what's that?" I asked, knowing that's what he wanted. 

The Ellimist looked into my eyes with those big, bright little-girl eyes. "The way of looking at life in a humorous way. You see all the conflicts in your world and you laugh." 

"I don't. That's Marco's job." 

"Yes, you do, too, Rachel. No human is without _any _humor. And if it is of any help, that humor deep inside you is what may help you survive." 

I wanted not to believe him. I didn't want to help Earth survive. I wanted leave my duty. I wanted to be free of my woeful heart and mind and soul. 

But even death couldn't take that away… 

_Everyone here hates here everyone for doing just like they do.—Matchbox 20 _

The Ellimist waved his chubby baby hands around, like it was some ritual. After a moment, a small, glass bottle with a green liquid in it appeared in his hands. The little bit of sunlight that filtered into the cave glittered off of it. 

He turned to me. "Hold out your hands, Rachel." 

I held them out. They were shaking. 

The Ellimist gently set the bottle in my hands. I felt its power run through me. 

"This is called a _frodem_. It's a specific type of weapon we invented over two million years ago." 

"What does it do?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly. 

"No one knows for certain. All we truly know is it hold great power, and does pretty much like you want. But I redid its programming so it will do only one thing." 

"And what's that?" 

The girl's eyes looked grave. "Make the Yeerk in a person's head involuntarily leave." 

"What am I supposed to do with it?" 

"Simply inject it in the human's arm." 

"How?" 

"With a needle." He made one appear and handed it to me. 

I stared at it. I couldn't believe this. "Why? Why are you helping?" 

The Ellimist smiled his toothless smile with Haley's toothless mouth. "Trust me, Rachel. Trust gets you a long way." 

"It kills you too," I pointed out, the others and my trusting Tobias coming to mind. It wasn't Tobias, I told myself for the hundredth time. 

The Ellimist nodded. "Yes, it kills. But you must trust _someone,_ and remember that I haven't gotten you killed yet, so you haven't any reason not to trust me." He had a point. 

The Ellimist closed my hands over the needle and Yeerk-poison. A cold feeling resonated from it. 

I met the little girl's big, round eyes. The needle pricked my skin. "You want me to trust you?" 

He nodded. 

"Okay. Then I will." 

_My hands are small I know. But they're not yours, they are my own. But they're not yours, they are my own.And I am never broken.—Jewel_

The Ellimist left, leaving me with a sponge-mattress, blankets, clothes, matches, candles, flashlights, batteries, a portable radio, an oil-lamp, some money, fresh water, and a heavy heart. He promised to give me all the supplies I needed, so long as I did his dirty work. What could I say? I'd die either way. Might as well die fighting the evil of my life. 

I leaned back against the cool rocks and toyed with the bottle in my hands. It looked so malevolent, glinting in the faded light. It had a picture of a Saten-like being on its neck. I didn't like that. I threw it down lightly on the bed and pulled my legs up closer to me. I rested my chin on my knees and folded my hands together, hugging my legs. My intertwined hands hung limply just above my shoes. I closed my eyes. I guess I looked like I was praying or something, though I didn't think I was then. But I guess when you silently meditate in wishes of saving your soul you're praying. I think that's what I was doing. 

Voices kept playing through my head. People I knew and cared for saying gibberish, mixtures of the millions of things I'd heard them say before. 

My mom going,_ Rachel, eat your homework. I know you love them, but they're good for Jordan._

My dad going,_ Good, girl, Rachel. Great job of falling off of your food. Do that again, tomorrow._

The voices kept going on like that. It made no sense, but, then again, hardly any of my life ever made sense. 

_Do the best you can in every task, no matter how unimportant it may seem at the time. No one learns more about a problem than the person at the bottom. --Sandra Day O'Connor_

((((Author's note: I admit, the parts coming are corny. But I'd watched "Buffy" before I wrote it and I thought, "Hmmm... That fighting looks neat. Why don't I have Rachel do that?" Warning of my corniness... Also, it may sound like other fics, but, honestly, I'm not copying. It just turns out like that. I wrote this in Febuary, before I read any fics like this...Uh. This is a long note, isn't it? I'm gonna shut up...)))) 

I went into intense training, after that. The Ellimist made me my own teacher, and she taught me an art of fighting much like karate. I was pretty good at it, too. 

My instructor's name was Pretania, pronounced PREE-tan-ya. It was a weird name, but she was a weird person. For one thing, she had blue hair, in dreadlocks. And she convinced me to get a tattoo on my left upper-arm. It was just some tiny flowers in a circle around a big "A", standing for "Animorphs", and it made me look cool, because I always wore a tank top, along with different colored wind-suit pants. You know, with the white lines going down the sides? Pretania said it made me look like some kind of warrior. I guess she was right. Besides, it was fairly stylish. 

The training took two months, though it didn't seem that long. I had to be in shape and be ready to fight people. But I wasn't going to be looking for trouble. I was just going to wait for trouble. 

I got really good at kicks and punches and getting weapons out in a swift, liquid movement. My experiences in gymnastics before were really helpful, especially the vault. The flips were just reverted from looking pretty to saving my life. But that wasn't the only thing I was taught. I was taught first aid and CPR, because those things came in handy when you're trying to save people. After those two months, I was ready to do some serious Yeerk butt-kicking. 

_Science has promised us truth. It has never promised us either peace or happiness. --Gustave Le Bon_

My first triumph started out with me hiding up in a big oak tree, near a Yeerk pool entrance. I'd been up there an hour, looking through my binoculars every few minutes. I hadn't seen anyone by that time, and was bored. I sat back and started to carve a stick into a nice weapon with my pocketknife. I could hit someone upside the head with it, to knock 'em out. 

That's when I heard a stick pop and leaves crunch. I'd learned that animals' footsteps were lighter than humans. Predators' were lighter so their prey wouldn't hear them and preys' were lighter so their predators wouldn't hear them. But humans were loud, no matter how hard they tried to be silent. With those big clunky shoes people wear when they go in the woods, it's as loud as an alarm clock. 

I perked up and listened more closely. Sure enough, they were human steps. I slipped my pocketknife into my backpack and set down my new weapon. My binoculars were a new kind Pretania had invented herself. They wrapped around your head and you could push them out of your way on the top of your head, and flip them back down. I flipped them down in front of my eyes and saw almost as clearly as a hawk. As clearly, actually, except my binoculars locked on what I was looking at and moved in closer. Very high-tech. 

Also, they had a computer in them that monitored whatever you were observing and told you how close or far away the object was. 

I looked around until I spotted my source of movement: a man stumbling through the woods, muttering to himself. The computer put some numbers up that said, "Three hundred feet away." 

"Perfect," I muttered to myself. I pushed the binoculars up on top of my head and got myself in a better position. "So he's about a foot ball field away." 

I checked to see if the Yeerk-killer was still in its little bag around my left leg. It was. Now I just had to wait. 

The man neared and I let him pass the tree I was in before I jumped down. I landed silently. I had good shoes for this and they weren't hiking boots, like his. I'd also learned how to avoid making noises by not stepping on anything that would make noise. Makes sense, doesn't it? 

I moved closer to him and tapped his shoulder. He whirled around and then saw li'l old, harmless me. 

"Oh, I thought you were some animal," he said, sounding relieved. 

"You going to the Yeerk pool?" I asked, casually. 

He gave me a suspicious look. "Yes…" he said slowly. 

"You are?" I asked innocently. 

"Of course." 

"Haven't you heard about that free Animorph? That she's haunting the woods?" 

He seemed puzzled. "I've heard of the free one, the girl. But of her haunting the woods? Not a thing." 

"Oh, too bad. If you had heard of her, you would've thought of bringing a Dracon beam. Such a pity." I punched him in the face and he staggered back. 

"Hey!" he yelled, clutching his jaw. "What was that for?" Then it slowly dawned on him. He gasped. "You're the girl! I knew you looked familiar!" 

"Gee, if only you'd think it's kind of weird for a girl just to appeared out of no where." I kicked him in the stomach and he swung at me. I dodged, grabbed his flailing arms, and kicked his legs from under him. "Sorry, human guy in there. This isn't meant for you." I tied the Controller's wrists together with some rope I'd had slung over my shoulder in a secure knot and sat down on the poor man. His knees were beneath him. 

"You'll pay for this, human!" the Yeerk screamed. 

"Aw, really? How's that?" He tried to sit up and kick me but I pushed him back down. "It seems to me that you're here on the ground and I can torture you how ever much I please. I wouldn't talk like that, if I were you." I pulled the bottle and needle out of their bag in a liquid movement. "So, mister, did you come here all alone? Or were you planning on meeting someone?" 

He gulped. 

I opened the bottle, still keeping the man down sturdily, and stuck the needle in, absorbing the liquid till the needle was full. Then I screwed the top securely back on and glanced at the man, who was staring at me with eyes so wide they bulged from their sockets. "So?" 

"Like I'd tell you!" he shrieked. 

I frowned and went, "Tsk, tsk," like I was disappointed in him. I pressed on the needle so a little liquid dribbled out, to scare the guy. "Oh well. I guess you don't want to do this the easy way, huh? I'll just have to do tests on you and all and get the information I want that way." I pressed the needle into the man's arm, and the liquid entered him. "Come on out, little slug," I crowed. 

"I will never, human! I will take this human to death with—" He was cut off from his sentence because he was involuntarily crawling out of his host's ear. 

Once he was completely out and helplessly on the ground, I removed the needle from the poor man's arm. I dug through my book bag and pulled out some tweezers and a container. I picked the Yeerk up with the tweezers and dropped him into the container filled with Yeerk pool liquid. The Ellimist had gotten it for me. 

I screwed the lid back on and dropped both of my tools back into my backpack. 

The man was still lying there, limp. I guess I'd knocked him out. I pulled my first aid kit out of my knapsack and took some gauze and alcohol out of it and wet the gauze with a little of the alcohol. 

The man was coming to a little. I went over to his side and gently pressed the gauze to his wound. He flinched, and his eyes fluttered open. He let out a cry and went insane, trying to get up. 

"Hey, hey!" I cried, pinning him back down. "Keep it down, will you? I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm trying to help you." 

His eyes were wide and he gasped, "Who are you?" Then, realizing he'd said it, "I'm free! Oh. My. God. I am free!" 

"Yeah, I noticed. I freed you. Now sit still while I tape the gauze down." I reached over and pulled some medical-tape out of the box. The man sat still and I taped the gauze down. "There we go." I started getting my things together. 

"Who are you?" the man demanded. 

"Call me Rachel," I answered, snapping my book bag shut. "What's your name?" 

"Fredrick Robinson." 

"Well, Fredrick Robinson," I said, cutting the rope around his wrists loose, "get up. We have to hurry. This is a Yeerk pool entrance. People will kill me if they see me." 

The man crawled to his feet, like a baby taking its first steps. I threw my backpack over my shoulder and grabbed the stick I'd been carving. 

"I didn't just want your name. I want to know who you are," the man said, sounding flustered. 

"Come on," I said, starting to weave my way through the forest. He followed, clumsily, but followed just the same. 

"Who are you?" the man demanded, his voice starting to sound angry. 

I turned around to face him. "Sir, I am sorry, but right now you are in no position to ask me questions. I was the one who saved your life. Is that not enough for you? I saved you, and I can just as easily kill you. I can be your ally, but I can also be your enemy. You do not want me to be your enemy, understand? Now, quit with the stinkin' questions!" I turned back around and pushed my way through the brush. 

Fredrick seemed taken aback a bit. He followed behind me and didn't ask anymore questions. 

_We must be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon.—Disney's "Mulan"_

I hooked the Yeerk up to a machine Haley (which was what I now called the Ellimist) had made for me. It read brain waves and told the thoughts of the creature hooked up to it. Mr. Robinson was gone now. I'd given him all he needed to survive and let him go his own sweet way. Now I was getting some information. 

I sat at a desk in from of a hand-made computer screen. The Yeerk's brain waves ran across it like heart-monitor's heart waves run across a screen. The computer beeped as it translated the Yeerk's last thoughts. 

"I feel pain. I'm dying. O Great Visser Three, please forgive me." 

Those were all the words. But then the computer flashed the images the Yeerk had. And as I watched them, making notes, I almost had a heart attack. There were images of Tobias, as Visser Three, Cassie as a sub-Visser, Jake, dead, Marco, dead, Ax, a sub-Visser. Images of me, as I beat the Yeerk up. Images of Tobias cackling as he planned a way to kill me. 

I suddenly knew I was going to free one of them. Somehow, somewhere, sometime, but I was going to. No matter what the cost. Because the Yeerk in their heads made them my enemies. And I didn't want friends who were enemies. 

_Don't cry. Know the tears will do no good so dry your eyes.—Natalie Merchant_

I was outside of my cave, washing my clothes in a little lake just next to the mountain of rocks were my cave was. A waterfall fell gently into the fresh water and a river flowed away from it, heading into the city area. 

The lake was my bath tub and washing machine, also the source of the electricity in my little home. If it wasn't for the waterfall, I wouldn't be living very nice. And Haley helped a lot too. 

I was grumpy as I scrubbed my clothes with soap the Ellimist bought me. I wanted nicer clothes. Things that were in style, not just wind pants and tank tops. They were getting to be a bore. Good for fighting, annoying for fashion. 

I decided I'd address Haley with the problem when I saw her again. 

I heard a stick pop and some leaves crunch in the woods, behind me. I froze. Animal or human? I listened carefully. 

CRUNCH…CRUNCH… 

Human, definitely. Someone was spying on me. I could feel it in my bones. 

I gently set my clothes and soap down and got to my feet just as a Dracon beam shot just inches away from me. I could feel its heat. 

Another shot! Another! 

I did the only thing I could. I jumped into the water, taking a deep breath before I went under. I'd learned to hold my breath longer than the average person. 

The shots still sizzled above me, but I was safe, and the Yeerk knew it. I suppose the Yeerk thought I was helpless too. Such idiots. 

I had a pocket knife hidden in my pocket at all times. But it wasn't an ordinary pocket knife. I have time to play around with things here in the woods, being all alone. I'd managed, with Pretania and Haley's help, to put a tiny Dracon beam on one end, while a knife was on the other. 

I swam under the water, to the water fall and hid behind it, as I surfaced for a breath. Then I sunk back under the water and took the knife from my pocket. It floated up in the water and I had to catch it, gripping it tightly. I swam from under the fall to see where the Yeerk was. He was coming close, and I couldn't see a face. He had a hood on, but I knew it was a guy, from the figure. 

I swam back under the water fall and surfaced, this time not going back under, but crawling silently up the rocks behind it. I was dripping and wet, but I managed not to slip and to walk silently. 

I put the Dracon beam on the lowest setting and prayed it would work if it was wet. I peeked out from the flowing water and saw the man bending down and peering into the water. I took aim with the beam and shot, hitting the man in the back. He fell face forward into the water, unconscious. 

Oops. He'd drown like that. 

I hurried over to him and grabbed the back of his sweat shirt and pulled him up. Then, in shock, let him fall back down. 

The guy was…Tobias… 

_My philosophy is to make the most of all that comes, and the least of all that goes. –Teresa Watkins: Intern at BHS_

I don't know why, but I kicked him hard in the stomach. I was filled with such anger at him or maybe the Yeerk or maybe both, that I was happy to hear the sickening crack of a rib breaking. 

I cackled madly. "There! See whose the fool now, you _____!" 

Haley appeared out of nowhere, crying, "Rachel! Oh, no, now you snap. Pretania! Take Rachel inside. I'll handle this." 

Pretania, too, appeared out of the blue, and grabbed my arm. "Hey!" I screamed. "He made me look like an idiot! He's gonna die! Kill him, Haley!" Pretania began pulling my struggling body away as Haley bent down and laid Tobias gently out and got the Yeerk out of his head somehow with out the Yeerk-poison. "You hear me, you little shrimp? KILL HIM!" 

That was when Pretania knocked me out. 

_One of the most dangerous forms of human error is forgetting what one is trying to achieve. --Paul Nitze_

I woke up lying on my bed. My head hurt bad, and I wondered where I was. Why I was there. 

Then it came back to me, my trying to kill Tobias and Pretania knocking me out. Haley very gently tending Tobias's wounds. I hadn't liked how lovingly she did that. It gave me the creeps. 

But what gave me the creeps more was me trying to kill Tobias. Oh, gosh, I was horrible. 

I guess I snapped. I had reason. I'd tried to forget my life before I became the lone superwoman. I'd tried to forget my friends, the humiliation of not being able to tell Tobias wasn't himself. Tried to forget how horrible I'd felt. 

Seeing Tobias must have made the pain resurface, and the pain filled me up and I wanted to hurt the person causing it. And at that time, I figured it was Tobias. 

I sat up. I was on my bed, and laying next to me, with his shirt off and a bandage wrapped around his ribs where I'd most likely broken them, was Tobias. I cringed, seeing him like that. He had a bruise along his cheek and a white bandage around his chest and stomach. His eyes were shut, and I was glad. 

I slid off the bed and hurried out of the cave. It was too much, all the emotions in my head. Guilt, of hurting Tobias like that. Humiliation. Joy. Hate. 

Too much. 

There was no Haley or Pretania in sight, and I was glad. I wanted to be alone. I was supposed to be alone. I'd turned into a loner, and I wanted to stay a loner. 

I dove into the lake, feeling the cool, wet, freshness of it. It was nice. Showers or swimming always had a way of refreshing me. Making me feel safe. 

I needed that sanctuary right then. Too much in my head. 

Too much. 

I swam till I was under the fall, which I loved. It had always been my place of peace through the short months I'd lived in that cave. 

I crawled up the rocks and grabbed the soap and towels I hid in a hole there. I decided to take a bath. Maybe I'd feel better then. 

Maybe. 

_Whenever things sound easy, it turns out there's one part you didn't hear. --Donald E. Westlake_

I got dressed again, this time in a new set of wind pants and new tank top. It was getting old. 

I took a deep breath and went back into the cool, damp cave. Tobias was still lying on my bed, one of his arms hanging limply off the bed, the other resting on his chest. 

He looked so helpless. 

I went up to the bed and studied his face. It looked the same, sweet, innocent. But it looked different. I noticed that he had more muscles than you'd think for a scrawny guy liked I'd known him. I guess the Yeerk decided to make him work out, because it sure looked like he worked out, at least a little. 

I was surprised when his eyes suddenly opened. I actually jumped back. 

Tobias jumped too, and then he groaned in pain because his rib hurt. 

I don't know why, but I started to cry then, when he groaned. "I'm so sorry," I sobbed. "I didn't mean to hurt you! It's just…" I doubled over in sobs. 

Tobias stared at me. I could feel his eyes boring into me. His face was blank, but his eyes weren't. He looked ticked. 

"You're sorry?_ You _ are sorry? God, Rachel. _I_ am the one who's supposed to be sorry. Quit crying. I don't deserve you crying for me." 

I stared at him in surprised. I stopped crying. "Of course you deserve me crying for you." 

"Please. I am _glad _you kicked me. Thank you very much. " 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Or what I was seeing. Or what was happening whatsoever. This hadn't been the type of reunion I'd always pictured. It was ruined because I'd broken his rib, I thought. 

"You're glad I kicked you? Well, I'm not." 

"I deserved you kicking me. I mean, if it wasn't for me, we wouldn't even be in this mess." 

"What mess?" I wondered. I wiped my face dry. 

"_This _mess. I wouldn't…I wouldn't have ruined your life." 

"You didn't ruin my life. The Yeerks did." 

"Because of_ me._ Don't you know that, Rachel? Didn't he tell you?" 

"What? Tell me_ what_?" 

Tobias looked sober. "You don't know." 

"Know_ what_? ________, Tobias, _tell_ me!" I snapped. 

He scratched his face, looking nervous. "Well…I was flying around one afternoon, and I saw my mother. You know how people snap at the worst times, right? Well, I kinda snapped. I saw my mom and I told her everything. She turned out to be a Controller, and…" Tobias blinked back tears. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I know you hate me now. I'm so sorry. You can kill me now and get it over with." 

I blinked. Then I said, blankly, "Why would I kill you?" 

"Because I lost the fight for you!" 

I blinked again, this time very rapidly. "No, you didn't." 

"Yes, I did." 

"No, you didn't." 

"I_ did._" 

"If I say you didn't, you_ didn't._" I cursed Tobias. "God, you ask for forgiveness and I give it to you, and you _argue_ about it." 

"Uh…um…" Tobias stammered. 

This struck me as funny. ((((Author's note: Hmmm…that sounds familiar, doesn't it? "This struck me as funny." Whoever wrote that before, if you are reading this, sorry! It just worked.)))) I started to laugh. Really hard. 

Tobias stared at me in surprise. "What?" 

"It's just…" I gasped, giggling insanely, "…that…I finally get you back…and…I break your rib…and…and…" I broke down in laughs. 

"Well, gee, Rachel. You aren't supposed to be _laughing_." I saw Tobias shake his head with my blurry, tear-filled eyes. Laughing always made me cry. 

A big, fat tear rolled down my cheek. That made me laugh harder. Funny, really, how people lose it at the oddest times. I'd always though I'd be hugging and kissing Tobias if I ever got him back. But in reality, what happened was so different it was funny. Funny. I hadn't thought anything was funny since I'd been left alone. 

Maybe the whole "saving Tobias" ordeal wasn't so messed up after all. I got one thing, even if it wasn't what I had expected. 

It made me think, that night after my little laughing fit. I was lying on a cot on the floor. Tobias got the bed. I'd insisted, and that really ticked him off. Oh well. 

Anyway, I was lying on the squeaky, back-killing bed thinking about what the Ellimist said when we first really became acquainted. He'd said something about humans having humor, and humor being what would someday save us. I'd thought he was just playing around, not being serious, just trying to give me hope. But he had a point. Honestly and truly, would I be alive now if it wasn't for that one laughing fit I'd had when I first saved Tobias? No, I wouldn't. 

That laughing brought me back into reality, got me out of my little dead-just-be-a-machine-and-don't-give-a-_______ mode. And I think that kept me alive as long as I lived. 

Of course, you don't understand what I'm saying right now. No, you don't at all. Because you don't know what happened later on in my life that was the hardest thing I had to deal with. Or maybe it was the easiest. 

I'm becoming confused again. I'll just go on with my tale. 

_I cannot sing the old songs, I sang long years ago, For heart and voice would fail me, And foolish tears would flow. --Charlotte A. Barnard_

I fell asleep at some point, I guess, because I woke up. That usually meant you'd been asleep. 

It was light in the cave, or as light as a cave can be without any candles lit or lights on. Tobias was still asleep on my bed, looking peaceful and comfortable and I got really ticked off. My back was absolutely killing me. 

I slid off the bed, rubbing my back as I did so. My feet hit the cold, damp rocks of the cave floor. That made me even angrier at Tobias, for some reason. 

I stumbled over to my "closet," which, in reality, was an old, beat-up box. I grabbed the first clothes my hands touched and staggered outside to the lake. I felt like taking a bath, for some reason, even though I'd taken one just that night. Maybe it was because I'd slept in that nasty old cot. I don't know. 

I went behind the waterfall and undressed before jumping into the cool water. It was freezing, but I didn't care. I was too annoyed at the bed to care. 

It was just becoming light. The sun was peeking over the horizon, and the light was orange-red. 

That usually meant it was going to rain. My mother said red in the morning meant it would rain, red at night meant it would be a nice day. I don't know if there was any scientific-fact whatsoever in that, but it was usually right. 

I got out of the water and got dressed. I pulled a sweatshirt on over the tank top, because it was colder out this morning than usual. Winter was approaching and that wasn't too good for me. 

I was sitting on the damp rocks behind the waterfall, pulling my socks on, when I felt as if someone was spying on me. People seemed to like spying on me or something. It was happening often. 

I didn't have any weapons with me this time. All I had was a bar of soap. And myself. 

I jammed my feet into my shoes and tied the knots tightly. Then I stood and came out from behind the fall. It was dangerous to do, I knew, but I had to see what was what. 

I looked around. No one in sight. And no Dracon beams were firing. I should have felt safer. But this just made me feel worse. This was_ spying_. Not _killing_._ Spying._ That meant no death or capture yet, but soon to be coming. 

And I would be dead if I let the person spying know I had noticed them. So I tried to act nonchalant, and went back into my cave. That was a bad move, and I knew it too late. 

Because now whoever was spying on me knew where I was hiding. And that meant my time to get away was short and almost nonexistent. 

_The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack. --Wayne Lukas_

I started to stuff everything I knew I would need into my backpack: a Dracon beam, my pocketknife, a compass, some food, the_ frodem, _some needles and the syringe, first-aid kit, batteries, flashlights, matches… I put a couple of sweatshirts in it too. Let me tell you this, the thing was_ full_ when I finished packing. 

I combed my hair through and tied it up in a tight braid so it would stay in place. I brushed my teeth because they were itching and I can't concentrate with itching teeth. 

I grabbed my notebook with my map of the Yeerk pool entrances and my notes of what was going on in it. I stomped the near-dead Visser Three, after tearing him away from the wires he was hooked to. 

It was his fault they were so stuck on finding me right then. All his fault. 

I was getting ready to slip away when I realized I was forgetting something, something important: Tobias. 

He was my big problem now. Very big. 

He could barely walk with the hurt rib and it could get worst if he did walk. But he would either become a Controller or be killed if I left him. I had to take him. 

I went over to him and shook him awake. "Wake up. Come on, come on. We have to hurry." 

"Get up. Oh, never mind." I grabbed his shirt and pulled it roughly onto him. Then I grabbed his feet, probably hurting him bad in the process, and stuck them in socks and shoes. I leaned down and put my arm as gently as I could around him and told him to put his around my shoulders. He did so, and I managed to get him off the bed. 

"What's going on, Rachel?" he gasped. I knew his rib was hurting him. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't. But I had too… 

"The Yeerks know where we are. We have to get away. Really quickly. I'm sorry, Tobias, but you have to walk. I'll help more when we get into the woods. Now we just have to concentrate on getting away, okay?" 

He nodded, wincing in pain as I removed my arm from around him. I straightened my book bag on my shoulders. I slipped out of the cave, with Tobias following, flinching every time he moved. 

_Once we're far enough away, I'm calling Haley for help,_ I told myself. _He needs help._

I looked around, trying to see if anyone was out there. Of course, that was stupid, because I wouldn't see anyone if they didn't want me to see them. Besides, most had the power to morph now. They had the blue box and the Andalite. 

"Hey!" I said suddenly. Duh. "Tobias, think you can morph? Morph to something small an hide out in my book bag?" 

He nodded. "Yeah. I think. But we've learned morphing doesn't heal internal breaks, like ribs. I don't know why. That doesn't have anything to do with DNA. But it doesn't work, so I still won't be healed." 

"That's okay. I can get us out of here without anyone being able to follow us. You just need to morph something now. Once we're far enough away, I'll call Haley for help. Just morph. Someone's watching us. I feel it." 

"Who's Haley?" he asked as he began to morph something small and furry. I didn't know he had a morph that was small and furry. 

"Haley. The Ellimist." 

He looked surprised, but that's hard to say because his face was turning very mouse-like. "You can just—" He was cut off. 

Tobias ended up morphing into a mouse. I don't know why a Visser would want a mouse morph, but it was coming in handy for us. I grabbed him up and stuck him in my backpack. 

He finished his question. < You can just call up the Ellimist now? How? > 

I didn't bother to answer. I had to get away. That was more important. 

I didn't know how to get away, though, really. Someone was out there. Someone was spying on me. I didn't know where or why or who they were. 

How do you slip away if you don't know if it's the right choice to slip away? 

I was suddenly confused. I had been so sure I had to get away. But why had I been? 

RACHEL, the Ellimist's voice burst into my thoughts, YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD TO LEAVE BECAUSE IN FACT YOU DO. YOU HAVE INSTINCT. YOU MUST FOLLOW IT. SOMETIMES IT MAY BE WRONG, BUT RIGHT NOW IT'S RIGHT. GO. HURRY. 

"Where the ____ am I supposed to go?" I muttered. 

YOU KNOW. 

"Oh, just shut up. You're no help. You act like you're helpful, but at the time when I need your help most, you don't help." 

WE DO NOT INTERFER WITH THE AFFAIRS OF OTHER SPECIES. 

"The ______ you don't! Come on, Haley. What happened to you? You were all for helping me over the last few months. Suddenly you quit? What's up with that?" 

This wasn't the time for this. It was not the time. But I had to know. Why wasn't the Ellimist helping me when it was a vital time for help? 

< Rachel? What's going on? Are we moving? Is everything okay? > Tobias asked. 

No. Nothing was okay. This was a disaster! I was just standing outside my cave, in perfect view of any Yeerk spying on me, arguing with an Ellimist who changed from a helpful "I" to a "non-interfering we" in the matter of hours. 

A Dracon beam shot just inches away from me, disintegrating the rock it'd hit. 

This was not good. This was not good at all. 

Another shot zipped just passed my arm. I could feel the heat. 

INSTINCT, the Ellimist said. 

Instinct. Instinct. What instinct? 

_Run away from the shooting, Rachel, duh._

I started to run away from the shooting. I guess there are times when the answers come to you, like my answer came from the idiot person shooting the Dracon beam. I mean, come on, how stupid is that? I knew where they were when they shot. 

The shots still rang out behind me, but I was getting away. 

I didn't know where I was running to, but I did know the place I was running to was the place that would lead me to where I am now. 

Does that make since? 

I don't know. 

I ran, stumbling over roots and little ditches, even creeks. I didn't notice the tree branches slapping in my face. All I knew was I had to get away. They were following me. I had to run. 

Run away or die. 

**A little more Part II coming, then on to Part III...TO BE CONTINUED...once my writer's block disappears...**


	3. Default Chapter Title

**

If They Lose, Will They Win? 

**

_ All that disclaimer stuff and I am SO sorry to be uploading this again, but could you people who already rated this rate it again? There IS a little more, and I'd really appreciate it. Beware of typos and sappiness, but, other than that... You may read on:_

**Part III**

**

Trying to Survive

**

_And you wake up to realize_

Your standard of living 

Somehow got stuck on survive—Jewel

I'd been running nonstop for over an hour. I don't know how. I guess it was the adrenaline. Because I wasn't the slightest bit tired. 

Anyway, after I'd run for about an hour, it began to rain. Ha. How ironic is that? It always rained in movies during the action scenes. In Disney movies, I mean. Or else it got dark out very suddenly. 

Well, this was the action scene in real life and it was raining. Odd, isn't it? 

But what I thought of then, as the rain started to fall in great big splotches, was that my mother had been right. My mom was always right, then, wasn't she? Then was my mother's voice my mind had taken on, the voice that was saying,_ You're end is near, Rachel. You're at a canyon. You either jump and hope for the best or you turn back. And if you jump, you die. Ha, ha! Your end is near, so very near, _ that voice, was _it_ right then? I didn't know, but it sent a chill through me. 

As I still ran, swiping the rain out of my eyes, the voice changed. It no longer said _my_ end was near. It said_ his _end was near. I didn't know what that meant. I guess I was still naïve then, though you wouldn't have thought that was possible when you look at all I'd been through. But I was. Running away from the Yeerks when they probably all had the power to morph? That was insane. So stupid, so innocent, to think. 

I kept telling myself that I'd already outsmarted the Yeerks. That I'd gotten away once before. 

But a nagging part of my brain kept going, You _didn't outsmart then, you little idiot. _You_ are stupid._ You_ didn't do a ______ thing. It was all the Ellimist. Don't be so stupid, girl. You aren't gonna when this fight._

I pushed it out of my mind. Or else far in the back of it, saying out loud as I ran, my voice coming out in raged spurts, "I did it myself. It wasn't the Ellimist. I did it." 

Tobias, I guess, had fallen asleep in my backpack. He still had about half-an-hour in morph. I'd let him sleep. 

My adrenaline high was going down. I had to rest. I knew it. Maybe there was a cave somewhere. 

Fate has a funny way of playing out. Just as I thought I was tired and needed rest, I took another long stride as I ran and I suddenly landed with a clash on a hard rock ground. I'd fell into an entrance to an underground cave. My God, my life was suddenly more Hollywood than ever. 

I hoped with all hope I had in me (which wasn't very much, and don't go ditching on me now, because I have_ reasons _not to hope very much) that the cave was empty as I scooted farther in it. I ended up sliding down some rock before I land with a clash again deeper in the earth. It was completely dark and now I prayed, not hoped, that it was empty. 

I hoisted my book bag off my shoulders and unsnapped the snap and untied the strings. It's one of those kinds that snap up, you know? Well, if you don't, too bad. 

I stuck my hand in the back and touched something warm and fluffy. Tobias. That's kinda funny. Tobias. Warm and fluffy. Heh, heh. 

Anyway. I was_ tired,_ okay? 

I grabbed him up and brought him out, setting him on the floor. He woke up and went, < Huh? What? > 

I ignored him and felt around for my flashlight. When I found it, I set it on the floor next to where Tobias was scurrying around, asking me where the bleep he was. I ignored him some more until I found a candle and some matches. I set them out too and snapped up my book bag. 

Then I grabbed the flashlight and switched it on. I inspected the cave. 

It was small, probably about as big as my old room was, when I'd lived in a house. Smaller than my old cave. I wasn't planning on staying here long. It was too risky. Maybe just for a little while, that night, while I rested up and came up with a plan. 

The best part about the cave was it looked abandoned. That was good. 

I finally centered in on Tobias. 

< Rachel? Are we in trouble? Is that why you aren't talking to me? Can I demorph, now? Hello? > 

"You can demorph, Tobias. It's safe," I said, loud enough for him to hear, soft enough for any enemy ears not to hear. 

< Okay, > he answered. 

I didn't watch as he demorphed. I went to work on setting up the cave into a nice place to stay for a day or so. 

I rolled out my sleeping bag and the extra one I had for Tobias. They aren't big ones. Tiny, actually. Even so, they'd taken up almost all the room in my book bag. 

"Where are we?" Tobias whispered. 

The flashlight wasn't shining directly on his face, but I could see it enough to tell he was trying very hard not to let me see how much pain he was in. 

"A cave," I said, answering his question. "I'm tired and fell into here, so I figured it was fate. We'll stay here for a day or so. Or just till tomorrow morning. I dunno. Here. Lie on the sleeping bag. Your rib is probably dying." 

Tobias obeyed, lying down on the sleeping bag I'd set out for him. 

"Okay, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but you have to take your shirt off. I have a ice pack. You need it because breaks swell, okay?" I said. 

I dug around in my back pack for that freezing gel junk I'd brought. It stays frozen longer than ice. 

Tobias sat up a little and, grimacing, took his shirt off. 

My hand touched the ice pack and I closed my fingers around it. It was beginning to melt. 

I took it out and went over to where he was laying. The cloth that was wrapped around him was still on, so I guess he'd morphed it. But he was in him morphing clothes, other than that. 

I delicately, as not to hurt him, unwound the cloth. I set the pack on the area of Tobias's skin that was swollen and was a purplish color. He flinched. 

"Sorry," I said, placing it more firmly on the area. Then I wound the bandage back around him, tightly. 

"There," I said when I'd finished. 

Tobias collapsed back down on the bag, exhausted. 

I turned to my backpack yet again and pulled out a blanket. To this day, I still don't know how I managed to fit all of this in that pack. It's beyond me. 

I covered Tobias up. He looked as though he were asleep. I tucked the blanket tightly around him. He was shaking, as though he were cold. 

I sat back on my sleeping bag, which was next to his and stared at his face in the light the flashlight provided, thinking, _ I have him back. And he's the reason I lost him in the first place. And he's the reason I'm here. He's the reason I was even in the woods in the first place. God, I should hate him. But I don't. I love him._

Before I knew it, I'd bent down and kissed him gently on the forehead. It was hot and sticky. That got me worried. He had a fever. That wasn't good. 

I felt so sorry for him and I almost started to cry. But, instead, I sat down next to his head and pulled it into my lap, so it wouldn't be on the hard ground and stroked his hair. 

_A little explained, a little endured, a little forgiven, the quarrel is cured. --Mary H. Waldrip_

It's funny, actually, the fact that it was only ten o'clock in the morning. I'd been sleeping about three hours before. It sure didn't feel like it. It felt like it'd been a thousand years since I'd slept last. 

In other words, I was tired. So very tired. 

Tobias was sound-asleep but his breath was coming out in short, sharp gasps. Probably because it hurt to breathe. Maybe he was going to stop breathing soon. 

That wasn't right. You don't die from a broken rib. That'd be insane. 

My mind wandered as a ran my fingers through Tobias's damp, messy hair. 

I wondered where the Yeerks were. Were they standing outside of the hole, just waiting for me to come out again? That was possible. So sad, so horrible, so cruel of fate, but it was possible. 

I started thinking about why the Ellimist had so suddenly stopped helping. Did it get in trouble or something? Or did I do something that caused it to just drop me? 

Then I started thinking about my old life. That's funny, because I hadn't thought of my old life, the life I lived in a real house, in such a long time. I hadn't thought of it, except for my friends, since…well, since I'd befriended the Ellimist. 

I thought of my mother and father, of Sara and Jordan. I wondered if they were Controllers yet. I hadn't received, or stolen, depending on how you want to word it, any information on them being infested. But it was likely they had been. 

See, the Yeerks were still trying to keep the invasion quiet. They didn't want open war or they'd kill thousands of hosts. So, to keep the invasion quiet, and to clear all suspicion on my sudden disappearance, which no one seemed to notice, oddly enough, they'd have to make hosts of my family. Or else say I was dead. 

I was so tired. The darkness of the cave was making my eyelids get heavy. I decided to take a nap. What harm could that do? 

Besides, I was getting hungry. If I slept, I wouldn't be hungry. 

So I set Tobias's head down ever so gently, as not to wake him, and scooted into my own sleeping bag. I reached out and switched the flashlight off and rolled into a ball in the bag. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. 

_There is still today, and tomorrow fresh with dreams: Life never grows old. --Rita Duskin_

I couldn't sleep. I was tired, sure, but somehow my body just knew it was way too early for sleep. My mind fell for the fact that I was exhausted, but my body knew it was all in my head. Is that making sense? 

I just lay in my sleeping bag, staring up at the way-too-close-for-comfort ceiling of the cave. I was suddenly extremely claustrophobic. 

My eyes saw light, colorful specks in the complete darkness. Well, not complete. There was a sort of dim light coming from the opening of the cave. 

I sighed and tried to focus my wandering mind on my problem. But all I could come up with, all I could plan as a way of staying alive, was leaving the cave that night with Tobias morphed rat again. But what to do after that, I didn't know. 

I'd die, most likely. 

I cursed into the darkness. 

"Rachel?" Tobias whispered. So either he'd never been asleep or else he just woke up. "You awake?" 

"No duh," I snapped. 

He fell quiet, like he was hurt. 

I sat up and felt around for the flashlight. I found it and switched it on, so I could see Tobias. 

He was laying on the sleeping bag, clutching his stomach. 

"Sorry, Tobias," I said. "Didn't mean anything. I'm just mad. What do you want?" 

He looked sheepish. "I kinda have to go to the bathroom…" 

"And…?" 

"I can't get up and I don't know where I'm supposed to go." 

"And you expect me to take you to the bathroom? God, Tobias—" 

"Never mind. You're right. I deserve to have to go. I'll just sit here." 

I sighed. "You know that's not why… Oh, all right. Lemme go check and see if the coast is clear outside and I'll help you up there, okay?" I crawled to my feet and shone the flashlight ahead to I could see where I was going. 

"No, Rachel. I'm fine. Didn't mean to—" 

"You are_ going _to the bathroom, all right? Now shut up," I growled, expecting him to be scared of me. 

"I am _not_ going to the bathroom," Tobias snapped back. 

I glared at him and he glared back at me. "Tobias, I'm not gonna have you pee, and I hope you've got to pee—" 

"Yeah." 

"Good. I'm not gonna have you pee in your pants, okay? And I'm not gonna give up on this argument so you'd better just let me do what I'm doing." 

I'd found the exit of the cave and started to crawl up to the ground. Tobias quit arguing. 

I stuck my head out into the air and it felt so good on my face. The rain was falling harder and I couldn't see very far because of fog, but there didn't seem to be any Yeerks. Of course, there still could be some, even if I didn't see them. But I didn't care. Might as well let Tobias use the bathroom then. 

I slid back down into the cave. 

"It's clear," I said, slipping the string that the flashlight had attached to it around my wrist. The light wobbled around but I could see well enough. 

I crawled over to where Tobias was struggling to get up all by himself but failing, and slipped my arm around him, pulling him to his feet. He groaned in pain, but stayed up on his feet. 

I led him over to the exit and said, "You have to go up by yourself. It's not big enough for me to help you. I'll help you get back up when I get up there." 

Tobias didn't answer. He was probably having enough trouble crawling up the hole. 

Once he got up, I followed. I peeked around. It still looked clear. 

Tobias was sprawled out on the ground, looking exhausted. 

I went over to him. "You okay?" 

"Yeah… Fine. Just…have to go…to the…bathroom…" he gasped, smiling weakly. 

I pulled him up again. "You can probably go over behind those bushes." 

He nodded and staggered over to the bushes and pushed his way through. I courteously looked away. I took the time to study where we were. 

I'd must've run fast, because it looked as if we were miles away from my old cave. We were deep into the mountains. The trees were dense here. The Yeerks would have trouble finding us, even if they could morph. 

Tobias came staggering back from the bushes, looking a little relieved. 

I decided to go, too, and them we went back into the cave, soaking wet. As I slipped into the little hole in the ground, I saw something moving. It sent a chill through me, but I ignored it, telling myself it was probably some animal. 

But my mind kept freaking, because I knew that that was no reassurance. Animals could be my enemies too. 

_Tact is the rare talent for not admitting you were right in the first place. --Funny Funny World_

It was still only around noontime, exhausted how I was. I'd never be good on a stakeout, even though I'd waited often for the Yeerks to come so I could free people, and that was pretty much a stakeout itself. But something about just sitting in that underground cave, waiting… It didn't feel very good, even though I now had someone other than an all-power, "non-interfering" alien to talk to. 

I guess I was just restless. I knew I was going to die soon, so I wanted to get it over with. How wrong I was, about dying soon. But I'm getting ahead of myself again. 

Tobias was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep either. So we played the "names game." My mom and I used to play it when I was little. 

I had to teach it to Tobias, because he'd never played it before. No surprise there, really. 

If you don't know how it goes, I'll explain: You think of a name, any name, and you go, "I'm thinking of a girl's/boy's name that begins with _____," whatever the first letter of the name you're thinking of is. The other person has to try and figured out the name. Yeah, such a fun game. What else was there to do? 

"I'm thinking of a guy's name that—" Tobias started but was cut off by a sudden rush of feet above us. "Hey…listen…" 

I put a finger to my lips, though Tobias couldn't see it in the dark. He shut up anyway. 

I could hear muffled voices. 

"How would the human get this far in such a short time?" someone said. 

"I don't know. But we have to look anyway, but orders of Sub-Visser Thirty." 

"You mean, 'Visser Three,' Eret. Visser Three." 

"Oh yes. I still can't believe that Yeerk was promoted to Visser Three's place so fast. It's unbelievable. One day she's Sub-Visser eight, the next day she's Visser Three." 

Tobias gasped in the darkness and grabbed my arm suddenly. He grabbed it hard, too. "Oh, God," he moaned quietly. 

"What—" I started to say, but Tobias slapped his hand over my mouth, silencing me. 

"Ssshh, don't say anything," he hissed. 

I shut up and tried to pry his hand off my mouth. But it was on tight. I don't think he knew it was still there. 

"Well, you know how Visser Three felt about her. He probably begged the counsel into it, if he died. But she's a good Visser now. The human shouldn't have killed her lover, now, huh?" 

Tobias cursed. I tried to get loose of him, but he had me tight. When I tried to wiggle away, he pulled my closer and tighter. I felt as if I was being held hostage. 

"No. Let's get going. 'Visser Three' will get ruthless if we don't find that human who killed Off." 

Whoever they were began to walk away, chuckling as they did. "You call him 'Off?'" 

"Of course," I heard, the voice growing fainter and fainter. "We used to be good friends…" 

Once I considered them a good distance away, I jerked away from Tobias with all my might. I managed to get away. 

I rubbed my arm and mouth. "God, Tobias, you don't have to get all lethal on me." 

I couldn't see him, but I felt him look at me sadly, stunned. "It's over, Rachel. We're dead. Oh, God, why me? Why'd You have to chose _me _to be the traitor?" 

I reached out and felt for Tobias's hand. When I found it I gave it a squeeze and said, "You aren't a traitor, Tobias. I just didn't appreciate you grabbing me like that." 

He squeezed my hand back but didn't stop. His hand felt cold and clammy but strong. My hand felt as if it would break but I didn't both to say anything about it. 

"Uh, Tobias, what exactly is suddenly making you think we're gonna die?" 

He shook. "You killed Off. Geap and him had grown really close. They were in love, I think, thought Off always said that was stupid. That's why he tried to get me buff. He wanted to impress her. And now Geap's Visser Three. Geap wants us dead. Most likely she'll get what she wants…" 

"Hold up," I said, confused, trying to ignore the fact that my hand felt like it was breaking. "Who's 'Geap?' Who's 'Off?'" 

I tried to pull my hand out of Tobias's a subtly as I could. It didn't worked. He squeezed harder. 

I took a deep breath. 

"Off was the Yeerk who controlled me. Geap was the Yeerk that controlled Cassie. I don't know what Yeerk controlled Ax. He was stationed on another planet. Well, Geap and Off got close during the search for you. I guess they fell in love or something. They even kissed, which was extremely uncomfortable, since if they kissed, Cassie and I ended up kissing too." 

I didn't like that very much. Maybe because that made me jealous of Cassie. I squashed down that feeling and continued listening. My fingers were popping as the were popped out of their sockets. Not a very nice feeling when you're not doing that voluntarily. 

"But, see, Rachel, Off convinced Visser One, who happens to be the Visser Three you know, to convince the Council to let Geap become a Visser. The Council decided that if Off died, Geap could take his place, because even though Geap was a Sub-Visser, she was a softie. The only reason she was a Sub-Visser was because she was so brilliant. 

"Anyway, you killed Visser Three, Off, so Geap is now Visser Three. Normally, I wouldn't be worried. If it had been any other Yeerk who'd died and Geap would take their place. But this is Off you killed. Geap is going to get you back. And since she probably figures I was associated with your killing him, I'm probably gonna be killed too. And that means Earth is doomed. Unless the Andalites come, which is very unlikely, since the Yeerks are now after their planet, too, now that they have the morphing cube." 

I grimaced in pain as Tobias's hand tightened more still. "Um, first I have to ask you to please release my hand, Tobias. You're breaking my bones." 

"What?" he asked, surprised at my answer. Then he must have realized he was gripping my hand and laughed shakily as he let it go. 

I sighed and rubbed my hand. "Thank you. Now. Why do you think we're going to die now? How are you so sure?" 

"I don't know. I just have this feeling. And the odds aren't likely." 

"'Aren't likely?'" I said. "C'mon. When was the last time I gave up when the odds 'aren't likely?'" 

I saw Tobias eyes glitter a little in the darkness. I heard him laugh. "Never, actually." 

"Exactly, Tobias. We're gonna in this war. Or at least live for a little while longer, okay? We'll leave this cave in about an hour, and head through the woods till we reach a city. Then we'll—" 

"How unlikely is it that will work, Rachel?" a voice asked. 

"What the--?" Tobias started. 

"Haley!" I said, surprised. 

I couldn't see her, but I knew, somehow, that she was sitting beside me. "Yes, yes. I'm back." 

"I thought you'd abandoned me," I said. 

"Uh…the Ellimist?" Tobias asked. 

I reached out my hand to where I figured his shoulder was and rested it there reassuringly. "Yeah, Tobias, the Ellimist." 

"Oh," he said. I heard the sound of fingers snapping and suddenly the cave was light enough for me to see. 

Haley was sitting Indian style on the floor, looking like any other little girl. Except her face was way too solemn. 

I was sitting on my sleeping bag next to where Tobias was sitting on his. My hand was on his shoulder, but I took it off because it was beginning to ache. 

I turned my attention to Haley. "Of course it's unlikely," I said. "But someone left me all alone with no help, so what else am I supposed to do?" 

Haley smiled. "I'm here to help, Rachel. I'm here to help you win this war." 

"And how?" 

"Another bit of technology. It's like a virus. There is some resemblance. It's like the Quantum virus the Andalites tried to use to eliminate the Hork-Bajir. But it's quite difference. As you know, we Ellimists don't like interfering with the affairs of other species, because it could lead to mass destruction. But it seems necessary to save Homo Sapiens. It will eliminate over a million Yeerks, but if it's to save a species, then so be it." 

"What are you getting at?" I asked. 

Haley smiled a sad, watery smile. Her eyes filled with tears. " I love life. But if I have to, I will destroy life. I have some bombs for you to bury near Yeerk pool entrances you know of. Then tomorrow we'll set them off and they will kill all Yeerks." 

"How?" I asked. 

She took a deep breath and looked down at her little hands. "They contain a chemical that floats through the air at the speed of light and will…kill any of the correct DNA that it's programmed to kill. Very much like the Quantum virus, though it causes no pain to what it kills. We Ellimists will take care of the Yeerks in orbit above your planet." 

I stared at her in shock. She was actually interfering. And she was crying because of it. Tobias fidgeted around behind me. 

"I'm sorry…" I said, for no reason in particular. 

She sniffed and wiped her face off. "No, no. It's not your fault, Rachel. You're on of the bravest people I know. I look up to you. And I wish you good luck at planting the bombs. " She looked at me with eyes so sad and said, "And may the elders forgive me for what I am doing." 

I wondered what she meant, but I decided not to ask. 

Haley answered anyway. "It's against the law, what I'm doing, really. What we're doing. 'We' being a group of my friends and I. I am a female, in case you don't know. I don't see why I should keep anymore secrets from you anymore. What's the harm of you knowing? I trust you. My full name is Halianay Mefretol Johomay Klekesotto Apesh." She smiled a little. "A mouth full, isn't it?" 

"Uh-huh," Tobias said. 

"Worst than Andalite names. That's why I told you to call me Haley. It's easier. The Ellimist you first met, long ago who helped you destroy a Kandrona, was my brother, Carloit Ishmanok Dorw Wishnork Apesh. He'd been helping you all along. I decided to help you alone, though, Rachel, when the time was desperate. Pretania was a good friend of mine, an Ellimist also. I won't bore you by giving you her full name. Other than that, 'we' is Reneky, Carloit's mate, Amilynn, my best friend, Leeannian, a member of our group called the Anti-Yeerk Force, AYF, for short, and Lorangian, Leeannian's sister. ((((Note to Mrs. Lee Lloyd: Do some of those names sound familiar? Ha, ha…)))) 

"There are many other Ellimists involved in the AYF, but we are the ones who saw Earth's dilemma and decided to go against our laws to help." She fell silent for a few moments and I thought she was done before she went on to say, "But no matter how great the cause is, it still puts a heavy burden on my heart to destroy some creations. No matter how horrible the Yeerks may seem, they still are beautiful deep down." 

I was slightly taken aback by her openness. I suddenly knew more about the Ellimists than ever before and I no longer considered them pains the butt; I considered them our saviors. 

_The love of liberty is the love of others; the love of power is the love of ourselves. –Reader's Digest_

Haley gave me some bombs to plant near the entrances of Yeerk pools I knew. She fixed Tobias rib (why she didn't do this to begin with, I do not know) and gave him bombs to plant in the city we used to live in. 

We each add a backpack to carry them in and went our own ways, wishing each other luck. 

Haley told us that she and her friends were going to get together and plan what they would tell their "elders" as an excuse as she left Tobias and me on our own. Her leaving made me feel uneasy, for some reason. 

But I still went on to the Yeerk pool, trying to hide from Yeerks as I went to the few entrances I knew, digging up holes with my bare hands and burying the bombs in hastily. 

Somehow, maybe with some Ellimist help, I managed to do this without being seen at all. I finished by one in the morning of the next day, both tired in mind and body, and started to hike to the city to help Tobias out, if he wasn't done. 

_The most wonderful thing about miracles is that they sometimes happen. --G.K. Chesterson_

I was tired. I don't know why I wanted to go all the way into the city when I knew how hard it would be to find Tobias, but something in me compelled me to go there. 

It took a while, over an hour, even though I knew a shortcut. I slipped and slid and by the time I finally met a paved street, my bones ached. 

But I went on. Somehow I knew where I'd find Tobias. I don't think I knew it then, but I know it now. 

I went down a dark alley. It wasn't light out, because it was two in the morning, you know? And the moon was covered by clouds. 

I went down that alley, and even today a part of me wishes I hadn't. Oh, God, it wishes I hadn't. But another part of me is so happy I went down that alley. 

There was a murky echo between the buildings and as I walked down it, my feet not making sounds, because I'd learned not to make them, I heard a shout. Then I heard someone say, "What the ____ do you think you're doing in my alley? A pause, and then, "HEY! HEY! YOU'RE THE MORPHING BOY! VISSER THREE'S HOST!" 

My heart stopped. Or at least it felt like it did. 

I quickly stopped my walking and pressed myself as close to the wall as I could. I don't think they could see me. A Dumpster was in between us, if not very close to either of us. I couldn't see them. 

I heard Tobias say, "Visser Three is dead. We killed him." 

Why did he say that? I mean, God, of all the things to say, he goes and says that. 

I heard the sound of someone being slammed into a wall. "You did what ?" 

"I killed him." 

"You killed my Visser?" 

"What? You haven't heard?" Tobias gave a hoarse chuckle. "Geap is the new Visser Three." 

_Tobias, morph. Morph, ______, morph! _I pleaded. 

The Yeerk didn't seem to find anything funny about that. "Then it is my job to avenge his death, isn't it?" 

"Yeah, I guess you could say that, but, see, I don't really care much if you kill me, because, see, we're gonna beat your butts just the same." I could practically see him grin nonchalantly. "Just wait until six this morning." 

"Is that a threat?!" the Yeerk practically shrieked. 

"Is it?" Tobias asked in a smug voice. "Oh, I guess you could say that." 

What was he doing? I felt tears rise in my eyes. Tears of pure anger. Was he trying to get himself killed? 

_No, Tobias, no! Don't do this to me! Please! I don't want to lose you again!_

"Oh, human, you've asked for it." I heard him dig around in his pockets for something. 

"I have a name, you know." 

The Yeerk punched him in pure frustration. I could tell by the sounds. 

I wanted to come running up behind them but that wouldn't do any good. I didn't have my Dracon beam. I only had my own fists and a small dagger. I wasn't about to go up to the man and stab him. I couldn't do that. I might be considered ruthless, but that was a little too far. 

But, just the same, I bent down and silently took the knife out of its sheath around my calf. 

I brought it up and clenched it tightly in my hand, willing myself to calm down and think straight. 

"Take that, human," the Yeerk sneered as he kicked Tobias. 

Why wasn't Tobias_ doing _anything? 

_Come on, Rach. Go up and save Tobias's butt._

But I stared frozen in my spot. Maybe I was too scared to move. Or maybe I just knew, somehow, some way, that this was the way it was to be. 

I know consider Ellimisty interference. 

"What? Aren't you gonna beg for mercy, human?" 

I pressed my face again the cool, dirty brick wall, wanting to run and hide. Not from what was happening. From myself. I thought I was a monster. 

_Save Tobias! _my heart screamed. 

_Save yourself!_ my mind screamed. 

I shook. 

"I would never—" 

Tobias was cut off by another kick. I heard a crack and had to stick my hand in my mouth to keep from screaming. Literally, in my mouth. I gagged. 

"Okay, fine, human. You're asking for it." I heard him pull something out of his coat. "I'm sure you know what this is. I'm sure you know how I can kill you with one, good shot. But, no, no. I'm going to make it slow. Exceedingly painful. I'm setting it in the middle, so you'll die a slow, painful death, lying here in this human alley, all alone." 

TSEEEEEEW! 

He shot and I heard Tobias scream in pain. 

That was too much for my heart. He was going and killing Tobias. I didn't want that, not matter if it was supposed to happen or not. 

I jumped out from my hiding and ran straight up behind the man, so fast he hadn't a chance to think, and kicked him so hard from the back that he flew forward, gasping for air, and rammed into the wall at the wend of the alley. 

He fell to the ground, his eyes huge, and then he fell unconscious. 

I let him lay there, and rushed to Tobias's side. He was lying on the ground, halfway, leaning on the wall to help hold him up. He clutched his shoulder with his right hand, and blood seeped through his fingers. 

I gasped and put my arms around him, telling him to lie down, telling him I'd save him. 

I tore off my sweatshirt, so I only wore my tank top, and shivered in the sudden cold. It stung, but Tobias was more important. 

I gently unclasped his hand from his shoulder. He stared at me, surprisingly calm. He was even smiling. 

His shoulder was completely soaked in blood. A hole was even burnt in the top. I smothered a cry and wrapped the sweatshirt around it tightly, hoping to stop the blood. 

Then I reached out and felt Tobias's forehead. It was burning up. 

I swallow hard, trying to stop the tears threatening to come. It worked, util Tobias started to cough up blood all over himself. 

They burst out of my eyes. I wiped at them hastily. 

He had an internal injury. 

"You're gonna be just fine, Tobias," I whispered, not trusting my voice to be any louder or I'd burst into uncontrollable sobs. "You hold on a little while, and I can carry you to the nearest hosp—" 

"No." Tobias raspy voice cut me off. He smiled a watery smile as he gasped for air. "No, Rachel. I'm gonna die either way. I…don't want you to…strain yourself. You've…done enough just being here." 

"No, you aren't gonna die!" I said with surprising strength. I tried to cover my true feelings with anger. 

He laughed, and, in the process, coughed up more blood, sputtering it all over himself. "Rachel, I'm sorry, but it's true." He closed his eyes tightly. 

"No, it's not!" I cried. The tears streamed down my cheeks. I started banging weakly on his chest with my fists. "I hate you, Tobias," I said. "I hate you! You can make yourself live! I hate you for not trying! I hate you! I hate you, hate you, hate you!" 

He didn't seemed hurt. He knew it wasn't true, that I actually loved him. He reached out and grabbed my hands with surprising strength, stopping my fists in midair. "That's too bad, Rach," he whispered, his eyes shining. "'Cause I love you." 

It was too much. Too much. The guilt of not saving him earlier. The questions of why he didn't fight back. The pain of seeing him like this… I burst into tears, burying my head in his chest that was rising and falling in irregular breathing. 

Tobias gently stroked my hair. He'd stopped coughing blood, and when I managed to control myself enough, I looked up and used the bottom of my shirt to wipe the blood from his face. I didn't care that it was dirty now. I didn't care. 

I knew he was dying. Slowly but surely. 

I didn't bother to wipe the tears that were streaming in heavy currents down my face. I didn't care. 

I delicately picked him up in my arms and hugged him. "I'm so sorry, Tobias. So sorry." 

He smiled again. "Then we're even." He coughed again, but no blood came up. His breathing was becoming even raspier. 

He swallowed and said, "Rachel, you have to go beat the Yeerks, you know. You have to leave me here." 

"No!" I said vehemently. "I'm not leaving you to…to die alone." 

"I thought you hated me." 

"Tobias, you know that's not true. I don't hate you. I love you." 

He smiled again. "Me too. I love me too." 

I had to laugh. "I hope so." 

He was getting weaker. I knew he would be dead soon. I gently placed him on the ground and bent down and kissed him. 

I didn't care that he tasted like blood. I just wanted to show him I loved him, so he wouldn't think it was just pity causing me to say that. 

When I pulled back, he smiled one last time, his sad, crooked smile, and then he closed his eyes and he was dead. 

_Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever --Reader's Digest_

I left Tobias lying in the alley, after I'd killed the poor Controller. I hadn't wanted to. I had to. 

If I still lived by the end of the day, I would come back and get Tobias a proper burial. 

But I didn't want to live. I would never commit suicide. I wasn't that type. I wouldn't give up. But if it was involuntary death, then I would take it happily. I didn't care if I would go to Hell for all the people I'd killed. I didn't want to go on living with Tobias being dead, no matter how sappy that sounds. He was all I had left. No, let me rephrase that: He'd been all I'd had left that would understand me. 

Cassie would maybe still be alive. But I wasn't going to put my hopes up. 

Haley told me all was ready when I reached the cave again. She handed me something that looked like a remote control. 

I took it and asked what it was. She explained that I was to go into town and press the button at the point closest to a Yeerk pool entrance. As in, maybe at the door. 

I took it and wandered back into town, exhausted, dirty, and mourning inside. 

I managed to get to the mall. I'll never know how I had the strength. I couldn't get in there, but I knew that the Yeerk pool was directly under me and the germs could get into the wall and through any entrances there. Then down in the pool and the Yeerks would be demolished. 

I took a deep breath and pressed the big, red button. 

And then there was an explosion that sent me flying. 

I remember lying on the ground, thinking maybe I would finally go home.

** TO BE CONTINUED...to the last and shortest part, Part IV...**


	4. Default Chapter Title

_I was spammed and I didn't even know it till now. Whoops. So I re-uploaded this. And this story belongs to me, but the characters do not. I wrote this a looong time ago, when there were no fics like it that I knew of, so if it sounds like something you wrote, well, sorry. This is really short. And...that's all. Beware of typos. The typos I fixed the first time I uploaded it are gone, so...there are probably some in here, k? That's all._

** If They Lose, Will They Win?**

** Part IV **

The End 

So don't go away, 

Say what you say, 

But say that you'll stay 

Forever and a day… 

In the time of my life 

Cos I need more time, 

Yes I need more time, 

Just to make things right.-Oasis 

I didn't die, unlike so many others. I woke up with a killer headache, but I woke up. 

The virus malfunctioned. It not only attacked Yeerks, but also people with weak immune systems. The bombs destroyed many buildings, causing mass destruction all over the world. People were killed in the blasts. 

My family had been some of those people. Ironic, eh? They had been in a building that blew up, killing everyone in it. I include my father in that, too, though he was in a different building. 

Cassie had been in one too. She was gone too. My life seemed to have ended right then and there, but somehow I managed to go on. Like I said, I'm not quitter. 

I'm sitting here in my cozy cottage in the woods, writing all of this down. I became a hermit, but I went on. People called me the crazy old lady in the woods. Children who were ignorant to what I had to see. 

Haley had come by shortly after the bombs and the end of the world as it had been. She gave me a notebook. I'd looked at her questioningly, but she'd just smiled sadly and shook her head, saying, "You're a legacy, Rachel. Don't let that die." 

I didn't open the notebook till tonight, which happens to be my birthday. I turned one hundred. I'm an old woman. 

Inside the notebook were pages of writing. On them was a story that began with, "Some people say life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." 

It was Tobias writing the story of what had happened to us, how the Animorphs had ended. But he was cut off abruptly, so I continued it. 

I knew I had to complete it. There was a nagging part of my brain that kept going, "You're a legacy, Rachel. You're a legacy." 

So I'm completing what Tobias started. I think he wrote it in the alley that night because it had blood on it. 

That didn't stop me. 

I don't know why I told myself I _had _to write it all tonight. I don't know why I couldn't write it tomorrow night. 

Maybe I'm dying. 

But I want you all to know what I went through. I don't want to be forgotten, even if I never allowed anyone to know who I was during my lifetime. I want them know now. 

You know now. I hope you never forget it. I hope you remember it the rest of your life. 

Because I don't want to die being known as an insane old woman who lived in the woods in a rundown shack. 

Who would? 

People may consider this all a story so I would be remembered a something. That's true, but so is my story. 

So please don't let the story of how the Animorphs die be a story lost and forgotten. 

Because if it wasn't for us, you wouldn't be free to move your arm or blink your eyes, or cry, for that matter. 

If it wasn't for us, maybe you wouldn't be free enough to read this. 

Maybe we wouldn't even exist. 

Or maybe we would. 

Epilogue: 

Rachel died the morning of January 30, 2084. It is said she was sitting in a chair, pen in her hand, looking at peace. Someone found her and her, and she is no longer the crazy woman living in the woods. She is a legacy that will never die… 

What happens to a dream deferred? 

Does it dry up 

Like a raisin in the sun? 

Maybe it just sags 

Like a heavy load. 

Or does it explode? --Langston Hughes 

** THE END… Or, at least, I hope it is…**


End file.
